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Running

Lone Tree

This is a picture of a pine tree in your Grandma's neighborhood. This is the type of tree that fills "Ma's Woods". Before they built the neighborhood this area was a dense forest of tall pine trees. They all stood together and supported each other. As the storms and winds came the 1,000 of trees moved as one and leaned on one another. Now there are only several trees spread through the neighborhood standing alone.

This tree would never have grown to this height alone and is now much weaker without the forest surrounding. We are the same as this tree and need many people lean on and to help us reach our potential and to find happiness.  You will need a lot of people by your side to grow and weather the storms of life.

Add more later...
 

Happy Thanksgiving 2015

We are spending the day in Houston for Thanksgiving with Ma and Bubba. Our normal Thanksgiving morning would've been the Austin Turkey Trot, but we decided to do things a little different this year. I was missing the activity so I just went on a run to get out for a bit before all crazyiness begins.

When we are at Ma's you girls always help with the cooking. This year you each made your own noodles and requested that they get cooked separated so Ma will be making 3 pots of noodles. I said no, Ma said yes. 

You also spend time in "Ma's Woods" finding treasures. 

This is a great time to be thankful for everything we have. It will be a great day enjoying life and the people around us. I will also think about those who I'm not with today, but it will make me smile as they have, and will, bring happiness to my life.

Memories

I was reading something today that said the average person only remembers 8-10 events a year. I would say this is pretty accurate for me although it is eye opening. As we go through life every event seems so powerful and meaningful but years later it's forgotten. This a huge reason why I do this blog. I now realize it is just as much for me as it is you, but I want to store some extra childhood memories for you. I know that of 50 posts I may hit one that is significant to you and I am going to miss the vast majority. Memories are strange, I remember some seemingly unmemorable events while I forgotten some significant events. I hope to catch some important ones and remind you of memories that would have been forgotten.

The article said that one way to help remember is to talk through each day. We have always done this as a family during dinner. We discuss each others day and name one good thing and one thing that could have been better. I hope this helps to reinforce memories, good and bad.

Thanksgiving at Station 14

Tonight we had our family Thanksgiving at Station 14. Everyone had a great time although I was out on calls most of the time.  We did the traditional Thanksgiving piñata which started back at Station 18. This was our first family meal at Station 14. You girls met some new friends and I hope this is the beginning of building a great fire station family. There are 10 kids at this station near your age so I know it will be good. Many more family events to come.

Here are a few pictures from a news article back in 2009. Maryn was not born yet.

Maryn watching me leave for a call.

With the Browns.

In my seat.

The Moon

Tonight we all went out to look at the moon. It was bright and surrounded by a ring like the picture below. It was a little cold out so we came in pretty quick after talking about what the ring could be. Usually we would lay on the driveway and talk for a while. There is something about the moon and stars that creates meaningful conversation.

After you girls went to bed I decided to take Emmy out for a bike ride. Kallie, you were still up and wanted to go, but I told you maybe next time. 

It was a beautiful night and the moon lit our path the whole way. I really wish that I could have shared this experience with you. I love to ride through the woods when the world is quiet and still. I love to stop and think. 

Tonight I sat and let Emmy explore and I realized how much I wanted you girls right there with me. I want to teach you both to appreciate these moments.

Whether I'm at work, on my bike, or on a mountain, yes, I will always carry you with me.

This was Emmy two minutes after we got home.  

Thanksgiving Presentation

Kallie,

On Thursday you had a Thanksgiving Presentation for the parents in the classroom. Your part was being a turkey and reading jokes with Beck. You were super nervous about this and the first picture says it all. You were hiding behind your turkey hat and very uncomfortable.

I completely understand how you feel. I speak in front of people often but it is not my comfort zone. My comfort zone is one person. Every time I speak in front of a crowd, I get really nervous and my heart rate skyrockets. When I begin my voice is shaky and lacks confidence. At some point I break through and settle in, but it is always a tough start.

I am very proud of you for once again pushing through. The last picture is after your part was over. You face shows complete relief and you are back to being yourself. I know that feeling Ko Ko.

Side note- You read the jokes with Beck. You guys have been in the some same class for three years now. He is a really close friend of yours

The Worst Thanksgiving Feast Ever

Kallie,

With Thanksgiving approaching I thought it would be a good time to share the story about your worst Thanksgiving ever!

Two years ago we went to the Thanksgiving Feast at Gateway Church. We went to get food and I said you could have one dessert. You asked if you could have two and I said no, I already told you that you could only have one. At that moment you threw a huge fit. I thought this would be a good time to teach a lesson so I threw your cookie away leaving you with no dessert instead of one. This sent you into a full on kicking and screaming rage. I managed to get you back into the dining area where we were sitting with a teacher from your school, Ms Harris. You refused to eat and I told you I would sit in the car with you if you didn't want to eat. At that point you stood up and yelled, "This is the worst Thanksgiving feast ever!" and ran out of the room. Everyone stared at me like I was the worst father in the world.

I think a lot of folks prayed for my parenting skills that night.

Sunday at Home

We stayed around the house today and cleaned the house and did mountains of laundry. Here are some random pictures.

Maryn on the swing.

Helping with the shelves.

Maryn, you added tape to a hammer so, "it wouldn't be scratchy and make blisters."

All these socks with no matches!

Maryn brought me "treasures" from outside.

Maryn Swinging

Maryn,

Today I was in Kallie's classroom and I was watching you through the window on the swing. I watched you struggled to get moving because you couldn't reach the ground to get a good push. You made small movements with little to no progress for several minutes. I struggled as I watched because I wanted to go and give you a push but I knew it was up to you.  I found myself even swaying back and forth trying to coach you through the window.  As I watched for several minutes you never gave up but didn't get anywhere. I final decided I would go out to the playground, but the time I got to end of the hall you somehow were swinging big.

This was a small challenge but you will have so many more in life. Some challenges I will be by your side but more often you'll be on you own.

On the day you were born you had a huge challenge and I was helpless. When the nurses started checking you they all started getting a little stressed, I could see it on their faces even though the kept giving me the awkward "everything is great" smile.  The next thing I knew they were bagging you, or breathing for you. At this point my heart sank because everything was not great.

After a long stressful day which I will explain in another post, you were doing good in the NICU (which means special place for babies that need extra attention).  Eventually the nurses explained that you needed to build up some surfactant which would help your little lungs move air in and out. In the end you were one of the healthiest babies in the NICU and had way less wires and tubes that the other babies.  We had a couple of days of high stress, but you beat your first of many life challenges.ma

Side note- I took a picture of the monitor below because I spent countless hours staring at it. I knew just enough to be stressed as the numbers fluctuated. As your O2 went down my heart rate would go up. If it continued to drop I would move to the edge of my seat until it went up as it always did. I would sit back in my chair for the next round.

Guitar Time

Girls,

After a few busy weeks with no guitars we decided to have a little guitar practice and sing along. Even though you wrote me this sweet note several weeks ago, I think it's time for some real lessons.

We had a great time playing a few songs as we laughed and sang together. I hope that music becomes a part of your life and a part of our bond as a family.

This is a poorly shot video of the first song you ever learned. It's also the first song Timmy Comeaux taught me to play in college. The angle is bad because I was trying to hide the camera but I suspect you knew I was recording.

Here are a couple other special songs for us.
Alright for Now, Good Night Baby

This is a song that I do not sing very often, but it is a reminder that I want to create a song for each of you. I am not at all an artist or a musician but I know I can make a song from my heart. I will get it done one day.
Gracie

Maryn the Problem Solver

Maryn,

This is how you were rockin' your tights when I picked you up from school. I asked you what was up and you said they were loose so you tighten them. Keep doing your thing Mer Bear!

Another Night Away, Another Broken Promise

Long day today girls.

After a great day visiting you at school I went back to see you before karate and to let you know I was going to visit a friend in San Antonio. I told you that I  would be home at night and I would take you to school in the morning. Now here I sit on Rob's couch exhausted from a long day.  He's having a rough time and I just can't leave him here alone.

This post is going to be long but will be edited before you read it. I just want to preserve the details and emotions of the day and remove bits and pieces later. I think this blog is actually about me.

After I left your school at 3, I headed to San Antonio to visit Jeremey Casares who was caught in an apartment collapse and sustained some burns over three weeks ago. Today he had his 5th surgery at the burn center in San Antonio.

http://kxan.com/2015/10/18/firefighters-responding-to-apartment-fire-in-north-austin/

The drive to San Antonio was a beautiful 2 hours of some music, some quiet, and deep thoughts. I truly enjoy time on the road because it's time to be calm and reflect. I hope I can teach you the value of time alone someday.

When I arrived in San Antonio I picked up Ed who works at my station. Ed seemed a little off, but that's pretty normal. He has some struggles.

At the hospital I asked if I could have some one on one time with Jeremy. I wanted to stop the tough guy bragging and joking to have a real conversation. Jeremy was a cadet when I was a Team Leader down at training so I know him pretty well. He also works at 18A where I spent 7 years.

We had a really good talk. He relived the collapse and all everything involved. We dove deep into the emotions and feelings of being covered in bricks, unable to move while being burned and running out of air. We discussed many other things about the fire also as I try to learn as much as I can from others experience.

He told me when he gets back he wants to be a Team Leader which is a mentor type position for cadets.

I know this sounds scary and I'm being a little dramatic. In the end our job is overall  very safe. I hesitate to share these things with you because I don't want to scare you for no reason. 

More people came to visit and we moved out after a couple hours of visiting. 

On the way home I talked to Ed about things he's been struggling with. It was getting really late and I was too tired to drive home so I decided to sleep on his couch.

Now this leaves you girls with my left overs again. Tomorrow I'll be on shift and stating a new project I was given. On Thursday I'll get home worn out and tired. I will do my best to give 100% but sometimes it's difficult. Tonight was a situation that I couldn't avoid, but it's compounded because I offered to teach a forcible entry class on Friday and Saturday which I could have said no to. I struggle bringing balance to my life. I must do better for you.

My Crazy Schedule

Girls,

One of the great things about my job is that I get to be home on some week days. This gives me a chance to take and pick you up from school and sometimes make school events and field trips. Today I was able to watch the fire safety presentation.

Maryn was picked as a volunteer by Jodi and Ricky. They are both firefighters in Round Rock where I used to work. I wasn't sure how it was going to go but Maryn, you stepped right up and did a great job. At one point in the middle of the show, Jodi stopped and said, "Hey Maryn, smile for your Daddy." I think you got a little embarrassed!

At the end of the show they played "Watch Me" and most of the kids danced.  Both of you didn't dance but I could tell you were right on the edge of letting loose. We've been working out our Whip and Nae Nae so I was really hoping you would go for it.  I want you both to be comfortable and confident to let loose and dance in front of people.  The world will be so much more fulfilling if get off the sidelines and get in the action! I understand completely that this is not in your nature but we will keep working. I will set a goal for 2 years that you will dance with your friends at this performance.

Kallie, it really hard to walk away from your sad face. I love you girls so incredibly much. I wish I had the words to explain my heart.
 

Maryn and Daddy Time

Maryn,

For the last two years we had the same routine when I was home on Monday, Wednesday, or Friday. We would take Kallie to school and then we'd have about an hour before you had to go to school. Sometimes we would ride bikes, go to a park, or just snuggle on the couch. Usually though, your choice was be to play a board game. This was your favorite things to do and I really enjoyed it. Since Kallie was a way you opened up a lot more.

I miss our one on one time when we could talk and laugh together.

Everyone always says to enjoy your time with your kids because they grow up fast. The first few definitely went fast, but I feel like we made the most of our time together before kindergarten. I doubt you will remember these moments, but I will always hold them close.

Argument

Girls,

Y'all are currently at a stage in life where you want to argue about everything. This is how an argument went today which is very standard for you girls.

GiGi- "Hi Kallie I brought you some flash cards"

Kallie- "Thank you GiGi! I got flashcards. I got flashcards" (in a taunting voice)

Maryn- "Do I get anything?"

GiGi- "No, sorry honey these are just for Kallie"

Maryn- "That's okay I'll just use the box and make a house for my flamingo!"

Kallie- "That's not fair, I want a box"

                 

"See You Again"

Maryn,

On the way to College Station a song came on called "See You Again". As I was listening and thinking about these verses...

It's been a long day, without you my friend
And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again
We've come a long way from where we began
Oh, I'll tell you all about it when I see you again

...your Mom said that last time you heard this song you said, "this reminds me of Daddy." This breaks my heart to hear as I've been on a few trips lately. I home for a while now and ready to get some time back and hear all about what I missed.

FYI- I think the actual song is about someone dying so this may be a post I delete before you ever see it. You just concentrated on the verses above.

Kallie Loves... Maryn Loves...

This is a very old post that somehow got deleted.

A few years ago we were doing our sing along and your Mom recorded us through the baby monitor. She did this because she knew I would never let her video me singing.

These are really special moments and although my signing is terrible I'm glad she captured the sing along. I hope we continue this as you girls grow up, and that singing and playing together stays a part of our family.

Kallie's Performance

Kallie,

Today I am shift and I thought I was going to miss yet another event. Late in the day Shane Turner came in to work for me so I could surprise you at your school performance. Your shy smile when I walked in lit up my world.

I am so proud of you for the way you sang and danced. You even came up to the front to do a special dance with a few other kids.

Performing for an audience is not your thing right now. This may change, but you are very uncomfortable during these performances. I can see the stress on your face before and during, and I see the relief when it's over. When you were in kindergarten you refused to go on the stage and cried in the back corner for the entire performance.  It hurt me to know how uncomfortable you were but now I love to watch you work through. I am very proud of you for fighting your fears and pushing through.

Another Missed Event

Girls,

Right now I am missing yet another school event. Today happens to be Maryn's sock hop dance at school but it is always something. 

I am working overtime at station 32 with a sick stomach because I'm not there. I "chose" to put in for overtime but it is also neccesary. I would never expect you girls to understand but I know you are confused on why I'm at work a lot. Hopefully you know how important you girls are to me. I work a lot but it keeps your Mom at home with you. I will never know if we've made the right choice but right now it seems like the best we can do.

Once I get off tomorrow we'll make the most of our time together before I go back in for another round.

I love you girls more than you will ever know.

Your Mom sent some of these as I was writing this post.

UPDATE-

After working for two days I could not wait to pick y'all up from schools like I told you I would. I got stuck on a call for three extra hours and I couldn't make it to school on time.  

We made the most of our afternoon though and went out for a ride. I hope that somehow y'all remember the ride and the sun, not that I didn't make it to pick up.

Bracelets

Maryn,

Several months ago we were at swim team and I needed to put Kallie's hair up but didn't have a hair tie. So I had to borrow one from Naomi's mom. I guess you were embarrassed because ever since that day you have an arm full of bracelets just in case we need one. This has been your signature look all year in kindergarten.

I had to sneak this picture because you still get mad when the camera comes out.

Getting Out of the House

I've been out of town on two work trips for the past two weeks and this was my first full day home. You girls begged for a bike ride so we got out to enjoy the day. I love that you both would rather be active outside than inside with toys. I hope we can keep that up.

Later I went to grab lunch and came home to Kallie reading and Maryn on the swing.